i, epigram
write wide, write deep
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the shelf: t's writings

“Because this business of becoming conscious, of being a writer, is ultimately about asking yourself, How alive am I willing to be?"

Anne Lamott

trust: a definition

Trust is hard won, easily lost, never fully regained. Apparently, in the eyes of some, trust is an Olympic runner’s gold medal he misplaced and then located years later at a collectible auction. He paid an exorbitant amount of money to get his gold medal back only to realize that it was someone else’s medal. The truth is, trust is not a thing; rather, it is an expectation, a belief that is centered on the future and may or may not be realistic. 

Trust is a dangerous concept. It is what happens when we douse ourselves in gasoline and then give everyone we know a lighter without knowing which ones of them are pyromaniacs.

We, all of us, trust in one way or another. We trust that every time we step on to an elevator, its complex system won’t give way and sends us to our ends. We trust that every time we sit down, the chair will hold our weight. We trust that when we put a strawberry in our mouths, it will taste like strawberry. We trust that when we send an email, the intended recipient receives it. We trust that every time we dive out of the airplane, the parachute will work. Or the backup chute. We trust the things in life to meet our expectations, but often enough we do not trust the people we love to stick around for long. 

Maybe the problem isn’t whether or not these people are worthy of our trust. Maybe the problem lies within ourselves, that we don’t trust ourselves to be people worthy enough of love. It is possible that we might be the pyromaniac with a lighter.

Tirza Magdiel - Seattle, 2012