Thirty-two Thankful Thoughts

I turned thirty-two a few days ago, and a few days prior to that, I was hit with a huge wave of anxiety. It wasn’t about the age I was turning, it was more about what life looks like right now. Everyone I know is in quarantine, and I haven’t left this apartment in two weeks. This extrovert who loves spending time with her friends and loves her birthday was shut in at home. And it sucked.

My mind played tricks on me, telling this person who always loves her birthday, that she was forgotten. Do you know how destructive lies can be? Especially when yours is the only voice around, without anyone to as, “True? Or not true?”

My birthday was spent indoors, but I enjoyed it. There was a moment where I was doing yin yoga that day and my emotions just overflowed. Yes, there were tears. But all in all, I had a great birthday. The people who loved me took the time to love me.

I was reflecting back on the year, especially over the last couple of months. This pandemic sure has changed things for a lot of people. Last year, I wrote a list of 31 wishes. This year, I contemplated writing thirty-two wishes, but to be completely honest, I don’t have the energy for it. I do know, though, that I need to be intentional about expressing gratitude. I’m truly grateful, but I’m also writing this because I need it. I need to do this to be ok. I need to write this to survive the dark days.

Can I just say that Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desire taken double speed sounds like a drinking song?

One. I am grateful for my relationship with God. Things come and go. People come and go. But this very, very raw relationship that I get to have with Jesus has been the one constant. The psalmist says, “Who am I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My heart and my strength may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26). My portion means that God is enough for me. I can be content because he is, in fact, enough.

Two. I am grateful for my mother. I wouldn’t have been alive without her. Quite literally. She has sacrificed a lot for me over the years, and she still is someone who make me feel like I can go through everything in life. And that everything will be OK.

Three. I am grateful for my life. I’m alive during a pandemic. What more can I say? That is so much to be thankful for.

Four. I am grateful for my best friend. It’s difficult to describe our friendship with words sometimes. All I can say is that this control freak never planned on this friendship. Over the years, I have realized that it’s a gift. And somehow this friendship has allowed me to be thoroughly myself. To find myself, to create boundaries, to laugh a lot, and geek out a lot. Thank you, Jesus for the gift. It’s wonderful!

Five. I am grateful for my friend, Marisa, who understands the power of words and of laughter and of a glass of cold milk. There is something about the beauty of words somehow wrapped into the glory in the ordinary. Thank you for keeping this friendship going even across oceans.

Six. I am grateful for Josh, my friend and partner in ministry. When I tell people that we’ve been friends for fifteen years, they always seem to respond with a sense of awe. I would have to admit that it’s not something that I toiled over. I feel like somehow it came easily for us. Thank you for making this work, even in quarantine. And even in ministry.

Seven. I am grateful for the teens at IES. I have the best teens a youth pastor can ever ask for.

Eight. I am grateful for big brothers and big sisters, mentors and encouragers. Oyan and Arlene and Iris and Jhan and Cherith and Robert. PD. Thank you for taking the time to welcome me into your life. Thank you for your conversations and meals and phone calls and prayers. Thank you for making time and space for me. I’m thankful for little sisters. Isabel, I absolutely love you.

Nine. I am grateful for my friendships. From the ones I’ve had since kindergarten to the ones I cultivated in college. And to the ones who never got to see my awkward years.

Ten. I am grateful for my leaders and colleagues at IES, but mostly for my amazing team. You are an answer to prayer. For a couple of years, my friends prayed for a solid team for me, and for a while that was only a dream. That dream has come into reality this year.

Eleven. I am grateful for the ability to love music. From Saint-Saëns to Bizet to the Punch Brothers and Gaelic Storm. From singing opera to playing Hank to just sitting and listening.

Twelve. I am grateful for good food. You know, like bacon or steak.

Thirteen. I am grateful for the two bottles of Lagavulin I have in the apartment. Is that weird? I just love it tho.

Fourteen. I am grateful for my life group. They’re my friends first, but I love getting to grow in faith with them.

Fifteen. I am grateful for this apartment that I get to stay in for the last few months. Thank you for letting me stay here, Katie! It’s been really nice.

Sixteen. I am grateful for great books I get to read. From theology to memoirs and literature and fantasy and escape books.

Seventeen. I am grateful for hugs. I miss them.

Eighteen. I am grateful for Washburne. That’s my car. Being able to go to different places and drive myself.

Nineteen. I am grateful for Ride Jakarta. A newer addition to my life the past few months, it has become a lovely source of joy for me. I have loved building new friendships and meeting new people. They’re also enabling me to rent a bike and workout from home.

Twenty. I am grateful for a great education and all the memories that came with it.

Twenty-one. I am grateful for this computer that hasn’t yet died on me yet. I am grateful for the internet and the ability to have wifi. Especially as I need to work from home these days.

Twenty-two. I am grateful for the ability to travel. Well, not right this very moment, but just in general. Next destination: Oxford, Scotland, and Ireland!

Twenty-three. I am grateful for gojek and Grab. I realized this every since quarantine started. I am really grateful for the ability to order food from different places in the city and get it within 30-40 minutes.

Twenty-four. I am grateful for coffee. I feel like this should have moved up on my list. Good coffee and good friends who love to drink coffee!

Twenty-five. I am grateful for time. This season that I have in my life. A season of working from home. A season of youth pastoring. A season of being single. It’s been good, and I have been able to cherish the time.

Twenty-six. I am grateful for shoes! I love that I get to own heels. A lot of them. (And the ability to purchase them because I am not yet married. Please see the previous thankful thought.)

Twenty-seven. I am grateful for Vanilla Sweetgrass Soy that I have from Seattle. I called it my Jesus candles because they help me enjoy my quiet time and study time.

Twenty-eight. I am grateful for this city. I might miss living in Seattle, but I have an appreciation for the place I’m currently “assigned” to.

Twenty-nine. I am grateful for Tiara. Thanks for coaching me and helping me trust in myself.

Thirty. I am grateful for sleep. I actually haven’t been able to sleep well the last few days, but I can still sleep. That’s something to be grateful for.

Thirty-one. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, the ones I am learning, and the ones I will learn. I’m glad that I get to grow and be better. I’m thankful that I am a work in progress.

Thirty-two. I am grateful for the mystery. I really don’t know what to expect this year. I don’t know what to plan for. I don’t know how things are going to work out, or how I’m going to cope if they don’t. But I want to acknowledge the mystery and to be grateful to God for the wonder that often comes with it.

I am truly beyond blessed. Thank you, Jesus!